“Is It About Singing?,”
She asked me when I pointed to my throat as the place I intuitively knew I held my fear.
I recently had a reflexology session with Velvet. A few things came up: judgment and fear. These seem to be what keep me from fully stepping into my life, from embodying my dreams, from believing I have within me what I help others to find within themselves: Courage, Compassion, and Cooperation with oneself.
She said to envision a rainbow road extending from my heart. And to see myself walking along that road until I came to a stopping point. Her instructions were to trust my intuition and to go with the first answer I felt throughout the entire session. When I knew it was time to stop, she asked “why did you stop?”
“There is a wall,” I said.
“Is it a solid brick wall?”
“No, it’s made of water.”
“Can you go through it?”
“It appears as if I could, but I cannot.”
Judgment and fear were in the way. Judgment and fear were keeping me from stepping into my own life.
Judgment is at play when I predetermine what others will think of me if I do something out of character or postpone a deadline for my own self-care. Namely, I spend a lot of energy caring about whether I am living up to the standards of those around me.
There is value in admiring and respecting others, but not at the cost of respecting myself and trusting my own intuition.
Fear is at play when I hesitate to sing in front of a singer, or bite my Spanish-speaking tongue in front of a native speaker (I had some major gains with this on my trip to Mexico in February when I served as translator on our whale watch!). Fear most often manifests as talking my way out of something, like singing, that I know I could do if I just gave it a shot. And even if I don’t do it well the first time, walking through the waterfall of fear to the other side has only showed me that if I keep doing it, I get better. I slip less as I learn the terrain, and the shock of the cold gets easier every time.
Here’s the thing, these stifling emotions are just emotions. They are not brick walls preventing me from success. They are more like waterfalls. From behind them, my vision is distorted, and I am not able to see my full potential. Once I brave the cold and the possibility of falling, I, in the least, have a clear vision of the other side. I can then choose whether or not to keep stepping through the waterfall, or stay in my comfort zone.
A few days ago, my throat was throbbing before bed. I’d spent the weekend with a new friend and musician, who like other encouragers in my life, told me that in order to improve my singing (and my comfort with it), I simply needed to sing more. My sore throat has since revealed itself as strep. It’s been years since this nasty bacteria has inhabited my throat, but it was common for this outspoken young child. It has quieted me, as it actually hurts to talk & swallow. It has slowed me down to focus and reflect. It is making me wonder what I actually need to step through to believe in myself, to find my voice.
Well, friends, in a few short weeks, Surprise! I’m recording a song with this amazing human:)
It’s all about Fearless Self-Love, what it means to be grounded here & my vision for connected, kind, and flourishing communities. If you didn’t even know you dreamed of your own song for your business, I highly recommend letting the thought simmer for a while. Meeting Jamie was one of those seemingly serendipitous experiences that has been one of the greatest gifts in my recent life:) The Grounded Here song will soon show up in the intro & outro of my podcast (stay tuned as my podcast will have a new name & is launching on itunes in November!!) & teaching videos. I can’t wait to share it with you:) You can read more about our journey together here. And more about Jamie’s Custom Songs here.
She’s helping me find my voice. And so are all of you. And so is the sickness in my throat that has me slowing down and diving back into my work. The waterfalls of fear and judgment will always be in front of me. If I can remember that I absolutely love water, and that it has always been worth the risk to step through what may prove chilling or slippery to see the truth, and embody my full potential, I will sing, folks. I will be spontaneous, courageous, even, for my own self-love.
I’ll start by singing this:
water, heal my body
water, heal my soul
when I go down, down to the water
by the water, I feel whole
How awesome that my last name, Bachman, means “river man”;) Well, this river woman is about to sing, y’all! After I sang Coco’s words in a recent Yoga class during shavasana, one of my students shared that she had an image of song being an integral part of my work.
Deep breath, I’m walking through the waterfall. You coming with me?
How about you? What keeps you from stepping through the waterfalls in your life?