No one showed up to take my class
(that’s not what I wanted, or was it?)
This hasn’t happened in a while, a long while, but it did today. Parts of me squirmed as 9:00, then 9:07 rolled by. The wi-fi was down, so I couldn’t squeeze in any work. And, I’d already completed my personal Yoga and meditation practice.
I picked up a grown-up coloring book from the studio coffee table and a cheery yellow colored pencil, and began filling in the part that would best deliver a true sign of Spring and abundance. I kept coloring for 15 minutes, showing myself I could create something beautiful while I did my duty of waiting 15 minutes before closing the doors and heading home.
Your True Nature Is Joy
As I was coloring I recalled the reading I shared with my Restorative Yoga students from The Secret Power of Yoga, Nischala Joy Devi’s Women’s Guide to the Heart and Spirit of the Yoga Sutras. I read verse 1.3:
” United in the heart, consciousness is steadied, then we abide in our true nature –joy.”
And the beginning of her explanation: “When consciousness reunites and remains undisturbed, our true Divine nature is revealed as joy. The expression of this joy is infinite love, which encompasses and then transforms everything it touches. Everywhere we look, we see the reflection of our Divine joyful nature.”
If my true nature is joy, then unbridled anxiety (about a no show Yoga class or even an uncertain future) has no place in me.
A friend recently brought her hand to her chest as she said something like,
“if I just paid attention to her–my soul, which isn’t that difficult,” I could get to know who I really am, and thrive.
When we are in touch with who we really are, this is when we open ourselves up to possibilities we otherwise couldn’t have imagined.
Law of Attraction or Law of Accessibility?Two winters ago, in my darkest days, I walked by a bench where I often imagined an older, wiser, more content version of myself sitting in waiting for me. The message I received as I walked by, dragging my very being of doubt, hopelessness, and insecurity, was this:
It’s going to be even better than you could ever imagine
What happened after this moment was pretty remarkable. I started believing that could be true. My life situation didn’t quickly solve itself. I still struggled regularly with deep sorrow and lack of appetite. But what changed was my belief that I not only had everything I needed already, but that abundance was coming. When I think of the Law of Attraction, I sometime feel a little prickly, irritation and concern for us humans as we continue to think we have and know it all. What I realize though, is that this mindset prevented me from believing I could have what I want, need, and know could be available to me.
The way I frame this thinking now goes like this: I believe that all we need and could cause us to thrive is equally accessible to all of us. It doesn’t magically come closer to us once we name we want it, but we are able to believe in it’s existence and begin to see it once we do.
- What do I really want in life?
- Why is family important to me?
- What does an optimal partnership look like?
- Why do I want to be financially successful?
While I have been amazed at what pen on paper reveal to me in my answers, I still do not know my future. I mean, do you? Does anybody? What I am beginning to know though, is the answer to a question I began asking while lying in bed late at night as pre-teen, “Who am I?”Without words, I am beginning to feel her, my soul within, to pay attention to her, give time, space, room to breathe. And when I do, I begin feel my own permission to be angry, tired, eager, uncertain, patient.
How will you choose to color your world today?